My Eagle is asking me for help

One of our promises to parents and Eagles is that Acton Eagles learn to be curious, independent, life-long learners - and that process is a Hero's Journey.

We equip, inspire and connect them so that they can learn from their own Brain power, from Books (and videos, Montessori materials, the internet, games, challenges, stories, simulations, debates) and from their Buddies.

At Acton, this is called "3B4G," and means "seek 3 ways of understanding before (B4) you ask a Guide."

Guides are not teachers, but game-makers, story-tellers, coaches and Socratic Guides - always ready with a question or a challenge, but never providing answers.

We know that this part of the learning journey, especially in early Discovery Studio, is DIFFICULT. Eagles have to trust themselves, challenge themselves, become independent, risk asking for help and enter their challenge zone and really work hard to gain understanding of topics in math, reading and writing.

Through this difficulty, they learn so much. But even more important than Core Skills and content, the difficulty of the journey is what grows them into resilient, strong, capable learners.

Much like how lifting weights makes you stronger. The brain, like the muscles, gets stronger and better when it is subjected to the right kinds of stress (not trauma).

When an Eagle arrives home and says "I don't understand!", we parents get upset and think we need to rescue them or that Acton must be failing them. THIS STILL HAPPENS TO ME AND CARMEN. Acton is not easy, or everyone would be doing it.

But one way to look at it is that they are trying (a very natural thing to do) to avoid facing the challenge at Acton and instead bring the challenges home and ask their parents to fix it.

But, when parents tutor, teach, fix, solve, intervene, victimize or believe the Eagle cannot do it on their own, the Eagle gets to postpone the difficult part of the journey.

Each Eagle will someday have to face this Hero's Journey and the sooner they do that, the more practice they get becoming independent learners.

So, what can you do as a parent?

First, take a deep breath and trust the decision you made to enroll your amazing, capable, strong, resilient, intelligent, free and unique child in Acton.

Nothing has gone wrong.

Second, simply LISTEN TO THEM, without agreeing or disagreeing. You can say "tell me more," and then just sit there, making eye contact, and listen with your full person. Just nod and say "ah, uh huh, I see." Sometimes this is enough!

Just because they are upset does not necessarily mean that they are asking YOU to fix anything. They may just need to be heard, to verbally process, and to have a loved one acknowledge their struggle.


So, you can say something like "wow that sounds so hard. I can understand why you feel frustrated."

This may be enough.

Do not offer a solution.

Just wait.

If they ask you to help them, you can ask them what do they think is the best next step.

If they cannot identify a next step, they may be facing one of the THREE dragons of Discovery:

Resistance, Distraction or Victimization

If they are expressing resistance (I can't do it, I don't get it, I don't like it...), ask them what is the smallest next step they can take to move forward. Then congratulate them "you worked so hard, you did it! Yay you!" when they complete this step, and then repeat...

If they are expressing distraction (checking out of the process, leaving the room, choosing to engage with friends or use technology instead of doing their work), ask them what they will focus on and for how long. Then congratulate them "you worked so hard, you did it! Yay you!" when they complete this step, and then repeat...

If they are expressing victimization (it's not fair, it's someone else's fault), ask them what they are grateful for. And then ask them what is the next action THEY can take toward THEIR goals.

If they aren't experience any of these, and they simply do not understand the material, you can ask them these specific questions:

1. Have you skipped over something, and you need to go back and learn a previous step?

2. Are their words that you don't understand, that you need to define?

3. Do you need to create a concrete model of this topic or challenge, so that you can better understand it?

These specific questions are often very helpful in getting Eagles unstuck in their learning journey.