When new Acton parents find out that we serve lunch and snacks, they feel liberated from the tedious task of planning, buying, packing and cleaning out lunchboxes.
But a few days or weeks into the Acton journey, their children may come home complaining, saying “the rice is too hard,” “I don’t like vegetables,” or “what the heck is eggplant?”
Eventually, parents may cave to the pressure and ask to send a lunchbox.
Before you send that email, we invite you to learn all the reasons why our Healthy Food Program is best for your child - and to help you hold this boundary with your Eagle.
First, a story.
In July of 2016, we opened our doors and had a “MAKER CAMP.” Three weeks of super creative, hands-on projects, done in the “Acton Way.” We asked families to send a healthy snack and a water bottle.
We immediately observed that children brought Doritos, Cheetos, M&Ms and Coca Cola for snacks! Sure, many brought healthy food, but we just could not imagine how a brain could work on “chucheria.”
So, our Healthy Food Program was born.
We decided to plan healthy, whole, balanced meals with very few processed ingredients and low sugar. We served the children and the staff and we felt we were fulfilling our values to raise healthy people.
But it turns out that there was so much more to the program than just eating healthy food!
The program allowed us to:
- Model being kind to the environment by using real glass, ceramic and metal - nothing disposable.
- Give the children a real-world experience of how action leads to consequence by using glass and ceramic, which break when they are dropped.
- Increase fine motor skill and muscle development in the hands of our littlest Eagles who needed to grip harder to hold a real glass, instead of a lighter, plastic cup.
- Stimulate brain growth by offering new sensory experiences of tasting different foods.
- Foster the habit of eating what is served - so that our Eagles would be resilient and courteous when they visit other homes, new restaurants, countries and cultures.
- Expose them to different foods to explore the great variety of edible items given to us on this beautiful, miraculous planet!
Do these points seem like opportunities you want to offer to your child? I hope so!
When children refuse to eat what is served, demand to have special, “kid-friendly” meals made especially for them or complain about the food, it usually isn’t about the food at all.
Humans are biologically programmed to survive. A young human with access to food will never starve. The body simply won’t allow it. Hunger compels people to eat whatever is available. Your child is the result of a never-been-broken chain of successful living and reproducing since the first cell of life appeared on Earth.
I promise you, they will not starve.
Knowing this, you can see that resistance to eating is a way for your children to have a sense of agency and control over their lives. If they know that when you serve chicken soup with vegetables, they can say they don’t like it and get you to make them macaroni and cheese, they feel empowered.
To stop the struggle, you can take all of the emotion out of it and simply serve edible food, expecting them to eat it. If they don’t like it, or aren’t hungry, you can neutrally say, “you don’t have to eat it.”
That’s it.
Then focus on something else, giving agency and power over what game to play, what to do over the weekend, or who gets to choose the movie on Friday night.
The same line works at Acton: Mom, I don’t like the food. “Oh, that’s too bad. Well, you don’t have to eat it.” Then change the subject.
That may be enough.
Now, if your Eagle continues complaining, you can say: Ok, well, what do you want to do about it? And then give them options:
Do you want to give feedback to the kitchen?
Do you want to come up with a new menu?
Do you want to bring it up in Town Hall?
Or something else?
And let them decide what they want to do. You don’t need to give advice or do ANYTHING. Just support them in their choice.
Many Eagles have brought their menu ideas over time, and our menu keeps improving, because the Eagles are now largely in charge of it.
Maya, who has been training to be a professional chef for years, has added many new items such as my husband’s favorite, “Tuscan Chicken.”
Annika, who wants to be a nutritionist, has recently made an entire week of healthier meals to try out and get feedback from the Eagles.
Our Friday burger was originally a recipe from a group of boys in Discovery who won the “Restaurant Quest” exhibition.
Many studies have shown that when we try to "prepare the road for the child," instead of "prepare the child for the road," our children have fewer opportunities to become resilient, collaborative, and to find joy in simple, everyday things, such as a normal, home-cooked meal.
Over time, their sense of needing to be the exception or to have people do special things for them to be happy, ends up backfiring and making them more prone to depression and anxiety.
We hope you find these options helpful and empowering, and a true reflection of the Acton values of independence, resilience, anti-fragility, personal responsibility, agency, care for the environment and good health.
That being said, if your child has a medically-diagnosed food allergy, you may send us the lab test results and doctor's indication confirming the allergy and we will be happy to work with you on accommodation.
If you would like to learn more about how to raise a resilient, anti-fragile child, we recommend this video, by Julie Lythcott-Haims, Dean at Stanford University and author of the book "How to Raise an Adult."
Be well,
Shannon